Jane, the self proclaimed Queen of Brand Labels, is back with a more advice on how you can make the Greek life work for you. Keep your pants on, it’s not that kind of the Greek life. Learn how you can gain extra money for school on the internets.
Pretentious Writers are Professional Losers
An anecdotal tale of the pecuniary perils of pretense.
Writing can be pretentious, but most writers cannot allow themselves to be pretentious. Only the most successful have earned the privilege of pretension, and even they do not always exercise their position of power. I met one writer recently who had not yet earned said privilege, yet spoke as if he were better than the next Shakespeare.
Nights in the Life: My First Mugging
I will never forget the dull gray metal of the tire iron and the Gypsy’s eyes dead locked on me. He was a dangerous breed of Gypsy and you can always tell by the look on their swarthy face. He was a strong arm in the Gypsy mob, unlike the sane members who earn their living on “Breaking and Entering” or selling coke in dive bar bathrooms. His body was a stack of bulk, layers of muscle upon muscle stuffed into a cheap red sweatshirt. He looked as if he could lift a bus. I couldn’t prove the bus, but he could lift me as I heard the sound of my skate skid off down the road.
Night of the Drunk Hepster
It’s not the first straw that breaks the camel’s back. Its not the two mile walk to the bus stop. Its the bus drivers laugh trailed from his window as he flies by the stop you are running towards. In this moment, I hate this man and feel betrayed. My angered emotions feed into his ultimate plan. His object was to leave me with a 45 minute wait for the next bus. Mission accomplished and I start to think he should run the country. He saw the outcome before I began to wave my arms. He held all the cards and gave himself 5 aces. A natural leader, he showed determination by his led foot on the gas pedal. He had no intention of helping out a paying citizen, the mark of a great political leader. He was a world class asshole and would make one hell of a candidate.
8 Kinds of Somedays
Somedays, you grow older and another candle appears on your birthday cake. The army of candles melt the icing and glow with enough light to bring daylight to darkness. They cast a fluorescent glare over your life. Every blemish of wasted potential is highlighted in the looking glass. If you had only applied yourself you could have been the prefect human being, but you remained content to sit on your ass.
Sceenes From The Hollyweird Cafe: Minim Wage
The inner capitalist lurks in the strangest of places. I expect to find him in the realm of my economic decisions, but always find myself astonished by his tom foolery. He rears his tricky head into the strangest of places and has the ability to pacify better intentions. His serpents tongue could trade with the Devil’s soul. Small accomplishments come when I see his greed ridden plans and put a stop to his devious ways.
Television Rehab
“You watch television to turn your brain off and you work on your computer when you want to turn your brain on.”
– Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple Computer and Pixar, in Macworld Magazine, February 2004
I really can’t say when it happened but the new aged nanny had lost her appeal. A majority of my youth was spent in front of her soft glow. Our relationship spans many wasted hours and I miss her as I miss a jaded lover. Yet, her monkey has left my back to attach its self to another. Over two months, I have been without her vision of the world and I wonder if I now see the world with disconnected eyes.
First times…
I remember the first time I saw my words in print. I was the ripe young age of 18, and I had wrote a letter to Brian Michael Bendis, a comic book writer I respect. I can’t remember the title of the comic, though I am sure it was “Powers”, or “Sam and Twitch”. I can barely remember what the letter said. I complimented the author on his style, and made a joke about fan boys, who count the number of ass hairs in comic books for consistency. His reply was he was the fan boy who counted ass hairs, and to fuck off.
Scenes from the Hollyweird Cafe: Outsider and the Black man
Gypsies are a curse of the Hollywood Cafe. They infest Hollywood and seek employment as half assed repair men. Cons are the creed and code of the Gypsy. A common Gypsy con is to fix the dents of cars for 100 bucks a pop and leave behind a hole to be bondoed, buffed and painted by the next mechanic. If you have never seen a Gypsy think exotic fortune teller then picture her old man as the same color, same exotic slant to his eyes, only his voice will reek of fast talk and bad cons. Gypsies are a darker shade of a New Yorker, who gained their dress code from reruns of the Sopranos. Thick golden chains lay atop coarse, pillows of thick black chest hair. Their hair slicked back and feet in wing tipped shoes. Their patronage is as old as the grand opening menu, displayed at the front door. Like a ghost, the Hollywood Cafe is more their home than most of the workers and their living wish is for the waitstaff to act like it.
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