Somedays, you grow older and another candle appears on your birthday cake. The army of candles melt the icing and glow with enough light to bring daylight to darkness. They cast a fluorescent glare over your life. Every blemish of wasted potential is highlighted in the looking glass. If you had only applied yourself, you could have been the prefect human being, but you remained content to sit on your ass.
Somedays, you wake up with a nicotine headache and computer eye strain. You haven’t shaved or showered in a day, maybe two, and your face shows it. There are new pains in your knees, wrist, and vertebrae. John, Paul, George, and the Shining Time Station’s Conductor start to sound groovin.’ NPR has become entertainment. You open up a newspaper, magazine, and the occasional book of nonfiction. You are old, but there is no way to stop it.
Somedays, you should have got a Brooks Brother’s suit and become a social vampire. You should have went to an institution of higher education and allowed yourself to be molded into the cookie cutter. You could have been a marketing executive and set your mind to swindle the general public. The infusion of graven images to public icon is big money, if you can bare to sell a little more of our soul. You could have been something or made something out of your life, but you didn’t.
Somedays, you come to the full realization this is your life; the cluttered desk, bathroom, and kitchen. This is the thing High School prepared you for and you find yourself to be ill equipped. You wake up. The calender says it is Monday. You know Monday is a day, but have fuzzy logic beyond that. Mondays used to mean something, like the start of the week. Now, you cannot fathom Garfield’s frustration.
Somedays, you wonder if it all worth it. You haven’t seen the Ocean in two months Two months is eternity to a sea side life. You miss the small stretch of beach at the end of Winnacunnet Road. Over the seawall and beyond the street light view, where the stars dance to an ocean roll beat and fog horn tune. Celestial bodies collide in meteorite showers to her lullaby.
Somedays, you are faced with the question “So what’s wrong with you, why no significant other?” and you have no answer. You can’t comprehend how someone would want a common face in their life, yours or theirs. Your distrustful of the ones who will have you and you want the ones who won’t. Every horoscope you ever read says work on your craft and the rest will play out. The advice appeals to your Virgo logic and you put trust in the cards.
Somedays, you think Steve is right. We live in 50 years of The Beatles and wonder if the band should still cover the face of pop culture. Every year, new bands are spawned and new voices take the scene. Yet, you hear no love on the radio dial and the Beatles remain important. The music is adapted, while the message is unperceived. No voice to broadcast the meaning and music lost its soul, but its face is printable a million times over. You could be that voice, but there is glitter and pretty lights to distract you.
Then somedays, everything works out. The birds chirp out a tune and the universe begins to make sense. You fear the other foot’s fall as calm waters lead to stormy weather. In this moment, you reach for clarity. You strive for perfection and keep back it’s ugly form of self molestation. You keep in mind your choice to get out of bed, your choice to become responsible. The streets are littered with the humans who gave up or gave into a holy life. You could be one of their numbers and the choice is your only freedom.
