Karma Comma Chameleon

If you use good karma in your grammatical placement of commas, you will find they act as chameleons and blend into the words of your text.

In many ways commas are like tour guides, as they guide readers through sentences. Yet, in the Judaical End we found End Punctuation are like judges. If we are to assume End Punctuation acts as judges who pass their judgment over a complete thought, the comma then acts as a lawyer, who adds voice to the judicial process. End Punctuation states “I am.” is a complete thought, while a comma can add “I am, dammit.” to the mix.

Lawyers stand in a court room and defend their client’s point of view. Commas stand in a sentence and add a world of explanation. The hard and fast rule with commas, like lawyers, is you will use them far more often than you actually need them.

However, unlike lawyers, you have control over your commas. A lawyer may charge you for a phone call or weekend spent boffin’ his secretary, while editing offers you the ultimate control over commas. When you weight your legal option, the easiest resolution is to do without a lawyer. When you consider your use of commas, the best resolution is to do without a comma.

Commas are sneaky like lawyers and filled with same self importance. If the laws of grammar were placed in comma’s hands, you would see a comma after every word. For them, there could never be enough of themselves in the land of letters. But as the old joke goes …

“A buss full of Lawyers and Commas goes over a cliff and explodes, what the worst thing is?”
“I don’t know, what is the worst thing?”
“One empty seat.”

As all punctuation in the land of letters, commas are ruled by a certain code of conduct. A judge might throw a lawyer out of court for misconduct. And you too can act like a judge as you throw out each comma for its misconduct of grammar’s rules.

Commas are slippery and seek to exploit the rules of the court to their own advantage. Only with a firm understand of their rules will you be able to hold a King Solomon’s court over the punctuation chameleon.

Rule 1 When it doubt, edit commas out.

No matter the rule, a comma’s job is to help the reader read. Overachievers by nature, commas set out with good intention but muddy the waters with their abundant helpfulness. Imagine a child breaks his legs. To ease his pain, 10 local house wives all bake the broken legged child a dozen chocolate chip cookies. Sure, he feel better but, after the third round of cookies,  he is well on his way to a broken leg and a sick stomach.

Commas are helpful but you use them too much. If you vehemently disagree with that statement, then you use them way, way too much. When the decision comes down to using a comma vs. not using a comma, opt not to use one. As a bit of extra credit, open any book from your bookshelf. Read a couple pages, look for commas, and discuss their usage with yourself. You will start to see, commas are used in the following ways.

Use Commas to Separate your Thoughts

In the Judaical end, we learned periods can take the place of a thought I.E. “mister becomes Mr.” Where periods can take the place of a thought, commas separate thoughts. Like a table full of evidence, commas outline the separation of each thought to highlight the content shown. A jury may never put the pieces of a crime together without a lawyer to walk them through the steps and a reader may never piece the intent of your words together without a comma to guide their path.

Ordered list would look like chaos without the use of commas:
Wrong = “Milk eggs macaroni and cheese and lube”
Correct = “Milk, eggs, macaroni and cheese, and lube.”

Not only with an ordered list, commas do wonders for ordered descriptions:
Wrong = “I got up went to the door and found the note.”
Correct = “I got up, went to the door, and found the note.”

Vivat Oxford Comma

In the introduction of “the Politics of Words”, we learned of the so-called grammatically incorrect use of “more perfect”. We discussed how there is much debate over if “more perfect” is even grammatically incorrect. Like Jefferson’s American “grammar error”,  the Oxford Comma, or serial comma, ushers in another kind of debate to the literary floor.

The Oxford Comma is the last comma in a ordered list and proceeded by “and”, I.E. “Milk, eggs, macaroni and cheese, and lube.” One school of thought dictates the use of a Oxford Comma is slight and says “when in doubt, edit commas out.” However, the alternative school of thought shouts ” Vivat Oxford Comma”, or “long live Oxford Comma” for those of us who don’t speak Latin, and claims the use of the Oxford Comma is necessary as some intentions become intermixed without a comma, I.E. “Mac and cheese and lube. vs. Mac and cheese, and lube.” Opt to edit in the Oxford comma as no one wants to mix their macaroni and cheese with lube.

But And Or Comma

We see in the debate over the Oxford comma that a comma will often take the place of  “but and or”, which is why there is avocation to omit the Oxford comma. While we won’t jump back into debate, we can gleam a bit of certain truth from the rocky shores. Commas can be used to replace the words “but and or”.

People perceive Obama to be an intelligent and well dressed man.
Or:
People perceive Obama to be an intelligent, well dressed man.

Commas open your Statement

Lawyers begin their cases with opening statements and introductory statements are off set by commas. Introductory statements add an introduction to the sentence. Because introductory statements represent a separation in thought, they require the use of a comma. However not all introductory statements need a comma. When the usage is slight and the sentence’s intent is clear, you may omit commas.

Correct intro with comma:
In the early morning hours, Wesley typed late into the night.
Although we had expected rain, the festival went off with out a single drop.
With a crack of the bat, the baseball season had begun.

Correct intro without comma:
However Cannabis should be legal.
Yesterday Sally spoke at the bookstore
Deflated he faced insurmountable odds.

Commas Interject Information with Parenthetical Statements

If a sentence is like a case brought before the court, then a comma’s job is to make the sentence understood. If a sentence is complete but needs more information attached, then commas are used to interject parenthetical statements. Sometimes a sentence is as simple as “A man shot another man.” However other times the reader needs to know. “A man, who was angry, shot another man, who was innocent.” Because while some times the readers is O.K with “I am.”, there are other times she needs to know “I am, he without name.”

Correct comma interject:

Obama, President of the United States, is a legal counterfeiter.
Same sex marriage, the religious union between members of the same gender, is a legal right under our, “I am.” given, Freedom of Religion.
Cannabis prohibition, in light of scientific research, is illogical.

Because Comma Clause

Like all clauses of law, the Adverbial clause is a tricky bit of legal work. When a Adverbial clause begins a sentence, a comma is used to separate the thought from the sentence. “Because Wesley constantly battles procrastination, he has many ways to battle bouts of inactivity.” However if a Adverbial clause comes in the middle of a sentence, it is up to the writer’s ear to determine if the comma’s usage is necessary.

I knew Scooter Libby was guilty, because my sister works for the Vice President.
We went to Iraq because Saddam Hussein was a mad tyrant with his hands on the world’s largest supply of oil.

Comma Quotations

In quotations, commas are used to keep the description apart from dialogue. Sometimes there is a pause in our character’s speak. As writing is a theater of the mind, we can fill these voiceless gaps with use of descriptions encased in commas.

“Boy,” Wesley said, ” we are learning a lot about commas.”
“How would you,” Atrian’s eyes narrow to angry slits,” like a knuckle sandwich?”

Comma Location and Dates

Commas are also used to separate thoughts in both dates and locations. In locations, commas are used to separate the thought of the city from the state, I.E. “Los Angeles, California” or “Boston, Massachusetts”. In dates, commas are used to separate the thought from day to year, I.E “December 25, 2012. Though William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White’s “The Elements of Style”, offers “25 December 2012″ as a style to cut down on comma usage.

Comma Duality

While there are some instances where you will only use one comma, there are no instances where you will use only one comma between the sentence’s subject and action. For a comma to be placed between a subject and action, then both sides must be represented. As in court there is a plaintiff and a defendant, who mediate between both parties, a pair of commas mediate between subject and verb.

Tiffany, with the long red hair, likes Russian Vodka.
The bong, bought from a Chinese dealer downtown, is a treasured piece of my collection.
I, as a citizen of the United States, have inalienable rights.

Karma Comma Chameleon

With a knowledge of the laws of commas, we can be certain our chameleon like punctuation will blend into the background of our alphabet land. You can now edit the commas out of your writing with a care free hack. You use too many commas, but with a firm understating of comma usage, gained from the Politics of Words, you can use commas like a positive karma, writing, pro. You might even be better than we are and we wouldn’t be the least bit surprised, or would we?

Bonus Binary
Commas: Extended Rules For Using Commas
Rules For Comma Usage