Jump The Shark

“Hey kids, where can you get the best deal on new and used CD’s, tapes, and vinyl?”

“Rockin’ Ron’s Eaxwax Emporium!” screams the kids.

“That’s right. Rockin’ Ron’s EarWax Emporium is an oasis to fill your musical dreams. That’s Rockin’ Ron’s Earwax Emporium, take Exit 1, off the 95, follow the 107, and take a left at the lights into sunny Seabrook, New Hampshire. Rockin’ Ron’s EarWax Emporium, where music meets your ear. We now join Rockin’ Ron outside the Earwax Emporium where Ron might wrestle a shark.”

The Earwax Emporium, dubbed the “Ivory tower of pop culture” by the local beatniks, held a small group of rockers who stood around a dunk tank. Ron sat above the tank and joined the onlookers view into the murky waters. A large body swirls in the depths of the tank as water splashes onto the concrete in a ocean song of death..

“Psst, Ashley, dear I thought we agreed on a seal with a dorsal fin.” Ron whispers.

Ashley, Rockin’ Ron’s faithful assistant, stands proudly besides the tank with a bucket of chum in her hands. She looks into the tank and back to Ron.

“What seal? The P.I.T.A. people wouldn’t let me glue or staple on a dorsal fin, so I had to get a real shark.”

“A Real Shark.” Ron’s eyes bulged as his feet jettison away from the water. He looks cautiously over the edge at a watery death.

“Don’t worry about it. All I have to do is feed the shark a bucket of chum and he won’t be hungry enough to eat you.”

Ashley dumps the bucket of chum into the water and the dunk tank turns a violent shade of red. The leviathan’s body stirs the waters into a eruption of commotion. The Shark’s nose crests the water and jumps towards Ron’s feet. The beast snaps with a endless hunger.

“Ashley, I don’t think you should bloody the water, when sharks are around.”
“Oh Shoot, ” Ashley said, while looking at the instructions.” Crap.”

“Ahh Rockin’ Ron. We’re live.” The announcer said.

Ron takes one last gulp as he pulls himself together for his viewing audience.He makes a mental note to fire Ashley.

“Hey Kids, Rockin’ Ron of Rockin’ Ron’s EarWax Emporium, where music meets your ear. Earlier this month, our customers took part in the search for a golden CD. The Golden CD gave our customers a chance to challege me to wrestle a shark. Ashley, who is our lucky winner?”

“Well Rockin’ Ron, our winner is little Billy Smith, of Hampton, N.H.” Ashley stands besides a little round faced child who wears a little warriors baseball jersey as he palms the first baseball.  Rockin’ Ron’s gulp is audible, last time I swear.

“Hi Rockin’ Ron, and Hi Mom” Little Billy waves to the camera.

“No Wait just a second. I put… er…, Billy, you found the golden CD in copy of Bin Crosby’s “Gospil Himns and chants”? Are you a big Bin Crosby Fan?”
“No Rockin’ Ron, I bought it as a gift for my grandmother.
“Damn Grandmother’s day!”
“What was that?” Billy said.
“Nothing, So your Grandmother likes Bin Crosby?”
“No, Ashley, your assistant, recommended the record. She said old people love Bin Crosby ”
“Of course she did.”

“Ahhh O.K. Billy, ” Ashley interrupted. “You know how the challenge works. You get three baseballs to hit the target on the dunk tank. If you dunk Rockin’ Ron, he has to fight the shark while you get to raid the Emporium. Once Ron beats the shark and get out of the tank, your raid ends.”

“One more thing, Bily, I see you have a baseball jersey on. What position do you play, outfielder perhaps?”Ron said.
“No I am starting Pitcher for my team. Go Warriors.”
“Of course you are.” Ron said.” Remember, Billy, if I don’t make it out, you own the EarWax Emporium and my best business tip is to fire Ashley.”

“That’s not funny.” Ashley said.
“You’re telling me.” Ron looked into the tank.
“All right, Billy, are you ready?”

Little Billy Smith narrows his eyes and lines up his sight. His young leg kicks out higher than his head and he fires in a rocket. The ball hits the center and ricochets over Ron’s head, who remains held above the tank. Little Billy fires off a second shot and the second dents the bullseye device but Rockin’ Ron remains atop the dunk tank. Billy throws everything he has behind his last shot and it rings like a gong but refuses to dunk Ron, who hears the third ball and opens his eyes.

“Oh Thank God. Well Billy, you gave a great attempt but…”
“Hold it, Ron.”
“No Ashley, he tried and…”
“I knew Shawn didn’t fix the Dunk tank.”
“Ashley stop it. Get away from there.”
” He used the finger quotations when he said Fixed it.”

Ashley released the governor and pressed the bullseye. Two things happened in one instant, Rockin’ Ron falls into the watery depths and Little Billy takes off like a bullet into the EarWax Emporium. The audience watches as indistinguishable bodies clash, crest and fall back into the tank. They could only guess the victor, as little Billy ran out of the Emporium with his first arm load of goodies; new video games, music CD’s, and Rock Teeshirts.

The water in the tank turned a murky red. Moments past without movement but, before Billy could turn around, a human body climbed out of the tank.  A dorsal fin still clenched between his teeth. Ron was alive. A gasp escaped the crowd as he sprang back to life. He spit the dorsal fin into his hand and pushed a path towards Ashley.

“All right, kiddos. That’s all the time we have.” The announcer said. “Remember for all your musical needs, check out Rockin’ Ron’s Earwax Emporium. Exit One off the 95 Interstate, hang a right at the end of 107 into sunny Seabrook, New Hampshire. Rockin’ Ron’s Earwax Emporium, where music meets your ear”