THE SEVENTH ANNUAL RONDO HATTON CLASSIC HORROR AWARDS

“Hey Wes, what’s going on?” Said the King of Pop Culture.

Cinema Suicide

“Don’t call me that, the name is Wesley, King.” I said.
“Don’t call me King.”
“Seems we meet at a stale mate, my friend.”
“OK… sure. So what’s going on with American NonFiction?”
“Well you know, yesterday I got 100 hits. I was going to call the local presses.”
“Oh how quaint.”
“So what’s up with Cinema Suicide?”
“Well nothing as grand as 100 hits in one day, you must be swimming in the dollars like Scrooge McDuck!”
“Watch it, your Majesty.”
“All kidding aside, Cinema Suicide is nominated for an award in the seventh annual Rondo Awards.”
“No kidding?”
“None at all. You could stop by the Rondo Awards site and drop me a vote, but let’s face it. I run the best Horror website on the web. I am a shoe in to win.”

The above conversation is an reenactment of a conversation that never took place. It is a conversation that would happen if we lived in a world where I control all the voices and inflate the ego of Bryan White, aka the King of Pop Culture, to comical proportions. I assure you that Bryan White is nothing like how I portray him and, if you met him in the streets, you would also find him to be a humble and extraordinary example of a human being. Even if he did tag me with the nickname of “Meatloaf” in our high school years. Which he never really did.

Before we start with the letter, I would like to point out, while I would make the following letter completely bold to stress the importance of your participation in any vote, that would be annoying. I feel if you are to vote in something, you have to be knowledgeable at least enough to go to Rondo Awards website and give them your honest opinion. While I might think the King of Pop Culture is better than sliced bread (because he is), he may not be your cup of tea and the site you choose may also need a hand up.

Rondo Awards

At the end of the day to be nominated is such an honor for the thankless position us, internet provers, choose to live. I will not say we deserve any more than we get but, as I live in a town of awards for artist, it is great to see venues such as the Rondo awards acting for the betterment of the internet scene and creating credibility.

To: Find out for yourself and check out Rondoawards.com.

Subject: THE SEVENTH ANNUAL RONDO HATTON CLASSIC HORROR AWARDS

Dear Mr. David Colton ( half of the creation team behind the Rondon Awards”*)

I write to register my votes for the up and coming awards. I would first like to thank you for your time in counting the ballots and securing the voter tally. Even in America, where we can’t get a vote right to save our country (excluding recent election, go Obama or naw Obama if you happen to live outside of a liberal outpost). Any way you slice it is to good to see honest, decent, Americans(?”) who can still tally a vote.

Rondo Awards Button

1.Best Movie of 2008 – Dark Knight. It was a tough call. Iron Man comes out a strong second and will remain the Best Comic Book Movie ever, so far.
2. Best Television Presentation 2008- HEROES, ‘The Eclipse, Parts 1 and 2,’ They start to suck and then they get better again. Damn you NBC for toying with my emotions! To be honest haven’t seen the other choices.
3. Best Classic DVD- The Man Who Could Cheat Death but really I am going title alone, so if you don’t count this one, I won’t be pissed.
4. Best Classic DVD Collection – Abbott & Costello, I love comic duos. Please omit for real wealth of knowledge on the subject.
5. Best DVD Collection – Munsters: The complete Series. Eat that Addams Family. Though I’ll take an “of age” Christina Ricci any day!
6. Best Restoration – Conquest of Planet of The Apes. Really this ballot makes me feel vastly inferior because this is the only one I checked out.
7. Best DVD Extra- I am coming up with blanks.
8. Best DVD Commentary – a good friend of mine, Aaron, works on a lot of commentary tracks and if he did it then I vote for the one he did.
9. Best Independent Production – Zombie Hunters: City of the Dead. I like any description that says online episodes.
10.  Best Book of 2008- As a writer you might think I should have an option here.
11. Best Magazine of 2008 – see vote for entry number 10.
12.  Best Article of 2008 I pick two of my answers for 10 and 11.
13. Best Magazine Cover – Little Shop of Horrors” I love pulp fiction.
14. Best website – American NonFiction “Write in Candidate!”
15.  Best Horror blog- Cinema Suicide, Home of the King of Pop Culture. There is no better horror blog on the web, IMHO.
16. Best Convention – L.A. Derby Dolls every event. Not even a convention. Yeah, write in option!
17. Best Fan Event – Addams Family meet the Munsters – The Munsters Dominate!
18. Favorite Horror Host – NC.
19. Best Audio Horror Site or Podcast- this is a category. Wow Rondo Awards covers a lot of ground. This is great stuff.
20. Best CD – NC
21. Best Horror Comic Book – NC
22. Best toy, Model, or collectible – Rondo Hatton
23. Count Alucard’s Controversy of the Year – These things happened? I used to think I was in the loop. Now there is the area I occupy and, way the frag away from me, on the other side of the stratosphere, is the loop.
24. Classic Most in Need of a Restoration – at least one of them.
25. Writer of the Year for 2008 (horror) Bryan White Aka The King of Pop Culture.
26. Artist of the Year 2008 – My friend Jesus has some cool ideas about monster shirts he want to make, so Jesus aka Steve, gets my vote.
27. Favorite DVD Reviewer – Bryan White of Cinema Suicide.
28. Monster kid of the year -
29. Monster Kid Hall of Fame – does the drug dealing kid from robocop count as a monster kid?

Heartfelt Departing Sentiments,
Wesley A. Bridle

*Kerry Gammill is the other half behind Rondo Awards.