ROCKTOBERFEST 4EVER

GodDAMN, I love October. Sure, you’ve got your usual Halloween, changing colors, cooling temperatures, earlier evenings and heightening tension in the NFL and MLB, but this October is special. It is an election year, so there is also heightening tension in politics this October. Change is both literally and metaphorically in the air this October, and as a Democrat from a family of Democrats, I’m all for it. Yes, I know that by the name of this column I should be voting for some Independent candidate, but some habits die hard. The smell of rotten fallen leaves and brush this October will hopefully give way to the smell of rotten fallen leadership in the White House this November. VOTE! I don’t care if it’s for Ralph Nader, Frank Kramer or even McCan’t/Failin…do it.

Germans finally become universally acknowledged as “not all bad” this one month of the year as they celebrate the frothy, hoppy goodness of Oktoberfest. EVERY crappy rock radio station does some kind of Rocktoberfest event, and somehow it NEVER gets tired. It is also the month that honors two of the things that I love and hate as much as anything in the world, Breasts & Cancer. On a purely selfish note, my birthday is in October, as it also is for a couple of my best friends…and while I won’t reveal my ever-increasing number, I will reveal that this year the number is a big one for me. Hooray, Happy Birthday to me…. eh, who cares? Moving on…

Even baseball finally becomes interesting in October, especially this October. Our own beloved Dodgers are in the playoffs, and they must be soooo thrilled to be moving on while the Angels are left to lick their wounds in the wake of the mighty Red Sox. I’m not the world’s biggest Dodger fan, but I am always thrilled to see the Angels fall behind the Dodgers in any and every way possible. Firstly, Anaheim is NOT Los Angeles, and on a secondary note the Angels have a tight Disney affinity, and I have a corporate distrust and personal disgust for all things Mickey, Inc. However, the advancing Dodgers must now face the Fightin’ Phils, who are finally on fire after not making a playoff appearance since they lost the 1993 World Series to those pesky Canadians, the Blue Jays. Why do I care? I mostly grew up near Philadelphia in the serene Dupont Chemical and Credit Card Bank corporate suburbs on the Delaware side of the Delaware river….and I played 6 years of little league baseball. Truly, some habits do die hard.

But do you know who’s happier than the Dodgers or the Phillies as they gear up for the NLCS series? No, not Torre…not Charlie…it’s “The Peanut Man“, Roger Owens! He’s guaranteed to be in sold-out business for at least a few more games, and as both the ultimate Dodger fan and a bonafide Indy tycoon, he is surely loving every minute of it. You don’t know the Peanut Man? Jeez, you might as well also be unacquainted with the Great Pumpkin or the Green Monster…you obviously are not an October person.

Roger Owens has been pitching peanuts to hungry fans at Chavez Ravine for about 50 years now. He is not “a peanut guy”, he is THE PEANUT MAN, as seen on The Tonight Show and as photographed in the Baseball Hall of Fame. This man isn’t just “big Indy”, he’s Cooperstown big Indy, and he’s playing the system like only an Indy Hall-of-Famer can. Think hucking bags of peanuts is like working for, well, peanuts? Not so! Roger Owens rollls deep, signs autographs, and refuses interviews. While he won’t reveal his actual income, the fact that he has thousand dollar pre-sales with many season ticket-holders sings “cha-ching!” to me. The fact that when he’s not working the Dodgers, he’s working the Clippers, USC, and UCLA is another hint toward lucrative success. The fact that he has been featured in Fortune magazine is also just a subtle hint that he’s not forced to live off his inventory. However, he does claim to eat a bag a day…just to keep on top of his game. And why not, they’re delicious.

So, how much can you make as a peanut guy? Please note, JUST a peanut guy…no heavy, sloppy beverage tray, no hot pizza, no cold ice cream, no trendy novelties that phase out every new season. See how peanuts make good practical sense when you’re hauling your wares up and down the steep aisles of Dodger Stadium? You might not be aware, but being the peanut guy isn’t an easy gig to get. You have to start with the more unwieldy items to earn the privilege of being peanut guy. So, back to business, let’s look at some numbers. A bag of peanuts goes for $4.50 at the stadium. At the retail grocer, they go for about half that…for the peanut wholesaler, they must go for even less….let’s just guesstimate he’s paying about $1.25 per bag.

Owens is reported to sell about 250 bags a night. 250 multiplied by a net profit of $3.25 per bag is $812.50 per game. Now a little comes off in overhead, mostly for the vending license, but about $800 for a 3 and a half hour workday is nothing to sneeze at. There’s 162 games per baseball season, but only about half are home games, so multiply $800 by 81 games and you get $65,812.50, which in itself is a pretty decent annual income for a very Indy businessman…and as an Indy operator, he surely can keep his taxes to a fair-but-advantageous minimum. Keep in mind, that’s $65K for just over 280 hours of work, granted it’s manual labor, but it beats the hell out of working 2080 hours (40 hrs/week x 52 weeks/yr) for the same income. Also keep in mind that he does ALL the Clipper games, plus some USC and UCLA games…so basically, double that figure. And, of course, lest we forget that he gets to enjoy all the games into the post-season without paying a dime in ticket cost.

When Roger’s not making money hand over fist in the peanut game, he’s hob-nobbing with pro players, celebrity spectators, and various media hounds. Or perhaps he’s meeting with the publisher of his book (of course he has a book, he’s a genius) and looking over his literary royalties account. He’s even entered the political forum, throwing peanuts at the inaugural party for Jimmy “The Other Peanut Man” Carter. Yep, this genuine Indy-Hipster is, like myself, at least somewhat a fan of the Democratic party…such good taste!

Want to know more about Roger Owens? Pick up a copy his book, “The Perfect Pitch”. If you’re lucky enough to buy your goober-sack from the man himself someday, he might even autograph it for you.