Bold Rewrite

You want free stuff and the machine wants to keep you as a customer. The moral route is you have found default in a product you have purchased and do not have the time to write a letter. Here in our first Bold Rewrite, we give you the letter to get you free stuff. To fill in the blanks and send this letter may be illegal. However, the ability to write the letter and post it for your devious ways is in no way illegal. It’s like when Enron was the biggest supporter of the Cayman islands banks, but did not have to pay a dime in U.S taxes.

Your name
Your address
Your address Line 2
Your phone number

Company’s name
Company’s address
Company’s phonenumber

Dear company name,

My name is Your name. I write to inform you of a default with produce name. I had recently purchased product name at Name of brand market outlet, on Real or fictitious date*. I was quite alarmed to find such a default with product name, as I have been a long fan of company’s name brand items. I would even go so far as to call myself a Company’s name -ite.

I know this matter is a simple oversight, and we all make mistakes. To err is human, after all. Why, I may have even forgotten little name of a child at a family outings, or two. We all can’t be perfect like the good lord Jesus, but we can all share his path and passion. I can’t think of a more faithful way to repay my good neighbor company name than with a letter of concern. Why I bet in his day, old Jesus was known for a mistake or two. I’ll go further and bet dollar to doughnuts, his apostles were there to lend their helpful, watchful eyes.

My friend Person you want placed on a “list” told me I should go with your competitors. I scoff at their mere suggestion. I learned from Ronald Reagan, ex-president and political icon, you don’t change horses midstream. Cowboy like us know a thing or two about man-ly things, market appeal, and endless, senseless brand loyalty.

I thank you for your time in this matter. I know the rigors of an office life can lead to thankless days, and I would like to pat you on the back. Company’s name does an excellent job, most of the time. A company with your concrete gusto must stand upon a solid foundation of hard workers. Your time has been a delight, I wish you the best in all your future endeavors.

Sincerely,
Your name