Write in Sam

My Fellow Americans,

I sit before you, my constituents, to announce my bid for the Presidency of the United States of America. I have sat idol as the fear mongers and Oil barons have stripped the red, white, and blue of all it’s color. They have left my love a burnt shell. Lady liberty is as black as the crude they pump out of her to feed their Oil junk sickness. They are dinosaurs, who feast off the last bit off their ancestry, and I have had it up to my star rimmed top hat with them. Wolves posing as protectors. It’s no wonder 20 Superhero movies come out every month, I have never witnessed a country more in need of a hero.

The United States of American has forgotten how to be a good neighbor and maybe we never learned fair trade, but the time is now. The past is past and today we start over again. Most Americans arn’t going to like it, but we are going to roll up our selves. We are going to put in the work to build a better America. We have to start today for if not today, then when.

I ask you a simple question, in what kind of society do you want to live? If Friedman is right and the world is flat, under what guise do we want the one world government to be? Do the shadowed puppet string, prevent us from a one world society, with the foundation of a one world government? We control the answers to these questions. We have the power to throw our vote away on an Ideal.

Make no mistake, I am a fictional character. Yet, I believe, I have more to offer the people of the United States than any candidate running. Obama, or McCain, It doesn’t matter. Republicans, Democrat, and I want to know what happened to the Wigs. How about the Green Party Candidate, I don’t even know her name. I can’t remember the last time the United States didn’t look like a Lenard Cohen album.

Everybody knows, I am the best deal in town. I can’t be bought by the pharmaceutical companies to cram pills down your throat, by the arms lobbies to keep the wars in your neighborhoods, or by the debt lobbies to bog you down with their oppression. I am only an ideal and ideals cannot be bought. My only backer is a better life for all American citizens.

My first day in office, I will push through a number of amendments. Our first action will be to cease all government contracts with outside security force and to reinstate the draft. Enlistment creates a sense of civic duty and a greater sense of self preservation. Obesity in this country is outrageous and gym classes are a joke. Generations of Americans never learned how to be healthy or taught a higher sense of purpose. No one will be exempt from the new army, all class and creeds shall stand shoulder to shoulder. We shall make room for all as our country is everyone’s country. Let the senators be on warning, if you invoke war, you invoke the life of your son. The new American deal is everyone of us together.

My Administrations next action shall be to legalize all drugs to be sold by regulated, state-run pharmacies. We learned in the 20′s, prohibition effects three things; profit, purity, and death. During prohibition, mobsters got rich, people drank bathtub gin spiced with formaldehyde, and the underworld saw many deaths. Today, pharmaceutical companies get rich, people buy cannabis laced with angel dust, and our southern boarder is littered with the lives taken by senseless law enforcement.

As the farming industry is reintroduced, industrial hemp will be the front runner as we can make a large amount of goods from it’s harvest. Hemp can be made into rope, clothing, and even broken down into bio-fuel. We can use hemp to help end our dependency on imported oil and save the Alaskan tundras. I’m no hippy but I do believe in good old hemp. The same material we used back in W.W.2 to make parachutes and wind sails to help our boys crush Hitler. Dupont and their cronies did a good snow job on the cannabis plant but we are not the dumb, rubes they take us for.

We are the intelligent, civil minded, citizens of the United States of America. We are a force to be reckoned with and we will not be bought. On election day this November, remember to write in Uncle Sam on the ballet. Together, we can build a better America.

Until next time, write a thank you note and send it by snail mail,
Uncle Sam