Crazy Rockin’ Ron’s Earwax Emprioum

“Hey kids, where can you get the best deals on new and used CD’s, tapes and Vinyl?” the announcer said. “There is only one place I know….”

“ Rockin’ Ron’s Earwax Emporium, take Exit 1, off the 95, follow the 107, and take a left at the lights into sunny Seabrook, New Hampshire.

“Rockin’ Ron’s Earwax Emporium” with prices so low you’ll think Ron is insane. We now join Rockin’ Ron, moments before they take him away to the padded room.”

Ron stands before the camera, his arms strapped in a pristine white strait jacket. A golden crown adorns his tennis ball like dome and proclaims him the King of media sales. He reigns is over broadcast history, with CD’s, tapes, and records only the start of kingdom.

Within the walls of the Earwax Emporium, music is the theme and every variety can be found. Except for Techno, which Ron claims even people into techno don’t know who is good. In the cluttered stacks, you can find Videos, VHS, comics, and if you look real hard you might find a 8 track or two.

Bodyguards, in pressed white uniforms, stand behind him holding comically over sized white nets. Ron’s assistant Ashley, the punk rock goddess, sits at the counter with an open zine spread out on glass. She is clad in a one piece nurses’ dress, salvaged from costume set of “Don’t tell Mom the Baby Sitter’s Dead”. Her hair is a multi colored chaotic bliss with accents of ink etched into her skin.

…I am insane, with prices so low they are going to put me in a padded room…

“Hey Kiddies, Rockin’ Ron, of Rockin’ Ron’s Earwax Emporium, here. Where the deals are so crazy, they put me in a strait jacket.” Ron said, his smile wide for the camera. “Ashley, show the viewers some of our insane deals.”
“…”
“Ashley… Ashley… ASHLEY!”
“What?”
“Show our viewers some of our INSANE deals.”
“Why can’t you do it?” Ashley doesn’t look up from the magazine.

“My arms are in a strait jacket.” Ron said through clenched teeth. ” I can’t hold up a item with my hands strapped, can I?”
“Well, what did you do that for?”
“To show the viewers I am insane, with prices so low they are going to put me in a padded room.”
“Who are they?”
“They, the man, the powers that be.”
“The Man is going to lock you up? You are going away? Am I going to lose my job?” Ashley snaps out of her thoughts at the fear for her occupation.

“ahh Ron, we are almost out of time.” the Announcer said from the heavens.

“The narrator still works here, but your firing me?”
“He is a announcer, not a narrator.”
“And he still has a job.”

“Damn it, Ashley.” Ron’s arms struggle to grasp his head in wonderment at the sheer absurdity of his assistant’s thought process. “I hired the camera guy, got the actors, all I need you to do is hold up the products.”

“But, I don’t even work here anymore.”
“I’m not really going to be locked up.”
“So I get to keep my job?”
“Not, if you keep this up!”
“All right, all right, what do you want me to hold up?”

“All right, kiddos. That is all the time we have.” The announcer said. “Remember for all your musical needs, check out Rockin’ Ron’s Earwax Emporium. Exit One off the 95 Interstate, hang a right at the end of 107 into sunny Seabrook, New Hampshire. Rockin’ Ron’s Earwax Emporium, where music meets your ear”

And be sure to join us next time when Rockin’ Ron has Strange Days